Surviving Thanksgiving: A CBD Product for Every Family Member
5 min read
It’s a time for thankfulness. Let’s take a moment to relish in the glorious festivities, delicious food, and the one part of it all that no one can avoid: absolutely crazy family members. Thanksgiving is like the Superbowl for cuckoo family members to face off. Put everyone in the same room with a turkey and too much sauce (gravy, cranberry, copious amounts of alcohol...we don’t judge), and the results can be painfully predictable yet still somehow shocking? It’s time to take your seat at the kid’s table and prepare for what’s ahead. There’s a perfect CBD product for every type of Thanksgiving dinner guest, and we’re exposing them below.
The One Uncle That Everyone Has
If only there were a way to make this understimulated retiree stop talking. They have a favorite news channel, and they’re here to share the gospel of their revelations. They’re relentless, off base, full of "facts" you never wanted to know and now….great, they’re drunk too. This person needs some serious chill, and they need it STAT. For the love of all that is holy, bless them with nature’s bounty and the gift of all the cannabinoids with Full Bloom CBD oil.
The Goop and Yoga Obsessed Millennial New Mom
The second coming of Gweneth Paltrow has arrived. Brace yourselves for shaming if you’ve dared to prepare a meal that includes GMO’s (shame!), gluten (shame!), unsustainably raised carrots (shame!), and basically anything else that wouldn’t make the cut on Queen Gwen’s tablescape. Studies show that the last time this person was happy-ish was probably during their overpriced hot yoga class, so slip a Bliss Balm in their organic cotton tote bag for those post-hot-yoga sore spots.
Your Hypochondriac Aunt Who Loves Facebook
Funny how when this person attends your thanksgivings, they also metaphorically bring with them the thoughts and opinions of all their Facebook friends who are single-handedly keeping the platform alive. We’re still not sure when and how the auntie take over of facebook happened, but before they ruin Instagram too...please just give them some CBD and hope that they go back to knitting, couponing, volunteering...literally anything. Since this person probably has a firm (yet vaguely defended) stance on topics like vaccines, conspiracies, and the government, THC-free Pure Bloom should do the trick.
Your Self-Proclaimed “Workaholic” Cousin
She always claims to be super busy, but she really just has a vague job in “marketing” and still has plenty of time to hit up a Tuesday afternoon SoulCycle class and post about it. Like ok, Sarah, we get it. Loving The Bachelor and Rosé is your entire personality. Oh? You also love Bella Hadid? Groundbreaking. The only thing she loves more than being overbooked is getting to tell people she’s overbooked. In fact, she’s so busy that she can only bring a large salad (courtesy of Panera Bread catering) to the family Thanksgiving dinner! Feed into her narrative by giving her our always convenient Bright Side capsules when she arrives (30 minutes late) to Thanksgiving. She’ll love taking them and will probably ask for a swipe up link and influencer code to add to her “super authentic” Instagram stories for all 347 of her followers to see.
Your Angel of a Mother for Organizing, Tolerating, and Peacemaking Everyone
For the woman who does it all. She can perfectly cook a turkey and effortlessly shift gears in the conversation when boozed-up Uncle Bob (see above) is mid-rant. She cooked 75% of what’s on the table and didn’t complain about it once. She gave you the gift of life, but the best gift she ever gave you is preventing any discussions about political views during Thanksgiving dinner. So now, what should you give her? Two words: Bath. Bombs. Bring the spa to her so she can unwind right after dinner with an ultra-soothing, CBD-infused Botanic Bomb. She’s going to love it, but not as much as she loves you. ❤️
Your Significant Other That Might Never Come Back
Congratulations, you’ve managed to keep a significant other around long enough for them to agree to come home with you for Thanksgiving. Granted, they have absolutely no idea what they’re in for, but ignorance is bliss, right? There are pros and cons of bringing this person along, and you’re all too aware of both. On the positive side, at least they can serve as a buffer of sorts, and some attendee’s will (hopefully) practice some form of restraint in the presence of a new human. On the other hand, you kind of know this will not happen, and you’re going to be super embarrassed more than once. How will you thank this kind soul for their service? Pick a CBD product, any CBD product. Not to be dramatic, but if you want this person to stick around (and maybe be around long enough to attend your family's Thanksgiving more than just this one time) you may need to get them the whole kit and caboodle and get them a big ol’ CBD gift basket filled with our entire product line.
And for You…?
After experiencing the ultimate form of purgatory, you’re going to need something to take the edge off. You’ve managed to keep your significant other and your own cool, but now you need something to help you decompress. Enter: Full Bloom+ and Pure Bloom+. Packed with 2000mg of CBD, our double-strength formula has arrived just in time to be your holy grail stress reliever to get you through the holidays. After all, we still have a family Christmas dinner to attend.